Last night on one of my treks to the almighty Wal-Mart to replace the malfunctioning musical birthday card I bought for my daughter, I spotted someone driving down the road that I have never met but have seen countless times. I do not think I can do him justice with my descriptions of this man, but I will try, you see he owns a certain eye catching car that has me in wonderment and amusement at the same time. I have wondered for years what the man behind the wheel must be like, and who knows maybe one day I will find out. I call him the Alien Cop.
The Alien Cop has driven around my hometown for a while, I’m not sure when exactly he first was spotted or if he’s been here all along. But he drives around in a grey 1980s style police car, complete with the blue bar on top (I hear it actually works) and some badge looking emblem on both door panels with a label denoting him as the local Alien Investigator (I do mean extraterrestrial). It also appears that he is wearing a uniform of some sort that matches his grey & blue car. Now the first time I saw him, I panicked thinking he’s got the ultimate serial rapist get-up going, in the dark of the night your not going to be able to tell that the flashing blue lights and uniform behind you isn’t official, especially if you’re not from this area. But after years of not hearing about any rapes or crimes committed by someone impersonating a cop, I’ve relaxed a little. But on the flip side, if ever I do see another blue orb flying over Wal-Mart I know who to call (seriously there was a blue orb flying over Wal-Mart once, and I am not the only one who saw it, but I think it was probably from the Air Force Base).
After seeing the UFO guy it got me thinking about all the other people I see around town pretty regularly who kinda stand out.
Take for instance, The Bird Guy, and no, he doesn’t look like a bird, I’m not into making fun of someone appearance unless that’s the affect they’re going for (i.e. clowns). This guy has also been around for countless years….he drives a moped putting through the throngs of traffic in the older areas of Melbourne. What makes him stand out though is his unusual adornment. He has a helmet, with the oddest thinks glued to it…like a bird and nest. He also has flags and other odds and ends on his helmet and bike. I’m gonna have to ask him if I can take a picture one day so maybe you can get the full affect.
Moving right along, to the lady by the mall…I call her Athena because she likes to belly dance on the street corner. I’m not sure if she’s fully loaded on some serious mind-altering substances or if that just her. But she gets out there in a long flowing hippiesque skirt and short belly shirt and just goes to town rolling that belly around. She’s not half bad, but it’s still a little odd.
Now there’s a special one, whom I seem to have great disdain for. He drives around in a white car (recently replaced with a small white pickup) with a huge wooden cross standing up on his front bumper. All over his car in red lettering is scriptures, from the typical John 3:16 to some I don’t think I read in my ultra-crazy Christian upbringing. The biggest thing about him that offends me is he has what looks like and old p.a. speaker from a school affixed to the top of his car that he blares some really old-fashioned Christian music through. Now I can see where he’s coming from, he obviously has serious faith in his beliefs and dutifully is recruiting as per the Bible or whatever Church he belongs too. But when I’m driving down the road I don’t really want to hear awful music coming from a rusty sounding speaker. I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I got a sudden urge to broadcast Tool from my cars rooftop. And yeah, I know, there are plenty of people who play there music so loud you can feel it rocking your ovaries, but they’re just as bad.
Continuing on the Christian broadcasting vehicles, its seems Jesus Guy (yes, that’s what I call him) has some competition, recently I’ve seen a rival in a red truck with white lettered scriptures painted all over it driving around (Or maybe he’s on of Jesus Guys recruits).
I have wondered what it must be like to be one of these people, and then wonder how much crap they take from other people who aren’t so tolerant of people who are different. I seen way to many people yell things out of their car window at the schizophrenic guy who walks to the neighborhood convenience store every day to get the paper and a soda. And if they can be so cruel to someone who doesn’t have a choice to hide his true self, then I wonder how they are to someone who chooses to display their freakishness for all to see. It’s not like we all don’t have something about us that could make us stand out in a crowd and be considered a freak, most of us just choose to tuck it away into a dark private corner where it we won’t be called out on it by the insecure.
I think it takes some serious backbone to be out & proud with all your weirdness.
Tags: Alien, Alien Cop, Bellydance, Bird, Bird Guy, freaks, Hometown, Investigator, Jesus, Jesus guy, Moped, Vehicles, Weirdos
